He was tall
He was dark
He was mean to me
Though my breasts stretched through my dress
Like a starlet a starlet a starlet
Pretty boys never live up to their chemistry
Mindless sparks short-circuit hearts
And he filled me he thrilled me he killed me

Audrey Hepburn wouldn't stay
Audrey Hepburn would get away
Why aren't I like Audrey Hepburn?

He played my guitar on that Christmas eve
Just my luck
I was so starstruck
When we kissed
Well I missed and I bit him
And he took Summer off and on
To Paris, France
His secret far as the USSR
Where our hopeful turned total Chernobyl

Audrey Hepburn wouldn't stay
Audrey Hepburn would get away
Why can't I leave the wings like Audrey Hepbum?

Bridge:
Save me, Holly Golightly
I need a lesson from Eliza
I stuck my swan neck out for him
Audrey Hepburn wouldn't stay
Audrey Hepburn would get away
I'm the understudy for Audrey Hepburn

So handsome
He was tall
His darkness came to light
I watched him cry
Couldn't pacify
Then he humped and he pumped and he dumped me

Audrey Hepburn knew what to say
Audrey Hepburn could make men stay
Why aren't I like...
Audrey Hepburn wouldn't stay
Audrey Hepburn would get her way
Why aren't I like Audrey Hepburn?